Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
