YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
