I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
