the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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