This is not my ceiling
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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