Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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