She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
