Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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