I'm so fucking centered right now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
