Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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