Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
