my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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