Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
