This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
