I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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