i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
