He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
