is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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