He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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