When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
