we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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