mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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