Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
