haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
