don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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