Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
