i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've blown a few things in my day
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
