everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
