I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
