I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
