She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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