She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
