I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize