Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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