she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
