Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
