Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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