I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Randomize
