I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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