If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?