He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence