me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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