Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
