I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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