I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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