Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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