Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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