Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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