Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
