Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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