I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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