that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he thought i was a dude.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
