I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
