yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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