living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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