we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
