i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
