Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize