i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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