So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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