a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize