I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
