3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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