Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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