I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I CAN MOONWALK!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
