The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
