i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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