Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
