You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
dude. I can hear the air.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
