First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
