Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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