I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
