my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
