I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize