I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
