My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
