just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
