Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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