you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
