I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The Olympian is in my bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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