My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
