He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
