People in love make me want to vomit
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
