Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
