This is not my ceiling
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize