why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
